Jacinda Ardern tells us she’s going to implement “wellbeing economics”.

None of this fluffy growth or real income levels… or purchasing power. Nah! Real solid stuff like how we all “feel” about each other. It’s out of the pages of a book that includes stories about unicorns and princesses and noble knights.

Meet Jacinda Ardern, the new Prime Minister of Mordor.

Just to be sure I wanted to know if we were on the same page, so I was diligent enough to look it up.

well-being

wɛlˈbiːɪŋ/

noun

noun: wellbeing

the state of being comfortable, healthy, or happy.

Being fond of wellbeing myself, I’m eager to know more. Let’s take a look, shall we?

Here’s a sampling of her party’s policies in no particular order.

For starters, she is worried about the price of New Zealand real estate. Really, me too! I wrote all about it before. Maybe, I thought to myself, she’s onto something.

How, I asked myself, is she going to tackle a problem that’s actually structural in the eurodollar market — a market, by the way, which she has influence over in the same way you and I’ve influence over gravity. This ought to be tricky. How is she going to tackle this, I wondered?

As it turns out, she’s decided to do the equivalent of yell at the coffee cup for falling to the floor. Because that’s clearly how you defeat gravity.

We are determined to make it easier for Kiwis to buy their first home so we are stopping foreign speculators buying houses and driving up prices. Kiwis should not be outbid like this.

Let me get this straight.

She’ll ban foreign nationals from buying real estate. Ok, I can see some sense in that. Sort of. You know, from a juvenile “everything is a nail if I have a hammer” perspective, and so I look to see what impact this is likely to have on that housing market.

Infometrics, a reliable data source, tells us that a whopping 3.1 per cent of buyers nationally account for foreign buying. No… surely she actually looked at the numbers before yelling to the rest of the world, “Hey, look over here! We’re going full retard Karl Marx on your ass, so watch out!”

But you’d be as wrong as Miley Cyrus swinging naked on a wrecking ball, because either she’s just pandering to ill informed (most everyone) voters or she’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Maybe both.

She’s the PM of New Zealand now, so she’d have been informed about a few things. Things like the trade deficit and how it gets balanced with FDI (foreign direct investment).